he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
