I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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