On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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