youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
