On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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