He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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