So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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