She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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