if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
