i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
