i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
