I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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