I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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