I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
