clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
