I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
