wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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