My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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