My nipple is on Facebook.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
