kristin has been a bad kristin
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
