i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
