see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
