My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize