the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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