these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
