I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
my poor anus
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
