I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
im holly from the hills drunk
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
