I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
How does one acquire holy water?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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