He kissed a someone with a penis
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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