also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
