It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
