Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Randomize
