The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I had to cum in my sink.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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