Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
