remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
