sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
