i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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