So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
