my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize