You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
