you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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