When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
