i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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