If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
