I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
