You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
