the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
