no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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