while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
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she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
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Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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