Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
