So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
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ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
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My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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