Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
