Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
