we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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