did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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