dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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