It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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