you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
