the condom got lost in my hair
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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