I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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