The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
