She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
