I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
