My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
